


Am I Happy Now? Part Two: How Long 'Til I Hit Bottom?

by Ilsa



Series: Am I Happy Now? [2]
Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Cheating, Depression, F/M, Infidelity, Minor Character Death, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-04-21 10:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4826021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilsa/pseuds/Ilsa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>2nd Story in a 3 Part Series. You need to read Part One: Best Laid Plans first. Sheeny is endgame for this series though there is some Lenny that is quickly fading: Penny suffers more and more loss, Leonard finds more reasons to stay away, and Sheldon tries to help but doesn't know how. Angsty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my beta, delucababe! 
> 
> I'm rating this a T, though I'm not completely finished so that may change. Posting will be every weekend for the next four weeks, then we'll start part 3. 
> 
> Please read part one or this one won't make sense.

 

 

 

One Year Later...

 

Since they had moved into the house almost a year ago, both Leonard and Sheldon had received substantial raises. While Sheldon continued on with his dark matter research and theorizing, Leonard had begun to tour the great universities all around the US and Europe lecturing. He seemed to be 'on the road' more than at home.

 

Sheldon had turned a spare bedroom at the house into an office. He worked out of his home office unless Leonard was home to drive him to the university. Penny had not wanted leave for work thirty minutes early everyday just so she could take Sheldon to the university. She had expected him to throw a fit, but he'd been surprisingly agreeable. It seemed these days Sheldon used any excuse necessary to stay at home. Once a week he would allow Penny to take him to the comic book store, and once a month the train store. Other than that, he refused to leave the house.

 

Penny was concerned, but Leonard seemed uninterested in figuring out Sheldon's newest 'quirk'. She got fed up and started deliberately getting the wrong things he wanted at the grocery store. It only took two trips of coming home with the wrong things before he insisted on going with her. It was a small victory, but Penny was proud that she was able to get him out of the house at least two days a week.

 

Leonard believed his friend's behavior was his unique way of dealing with losing Amy, but Penny knew Sheldon's hermit-like personality was a result of their entire group of friends dispersing. The loss of Amy affected Sheldon differently. Despite his protests at the time, Sheldon had gotten used to some of the intimacies that Amy had coerced onto him. It didn't happen often but, occasionally, Sheldon would hold Penny's hand. It never lasted for more than a few seconds and Penny was careful not to call attention to it. There were also a couple of nights when the two them would watch television and Sheldon would move so their legs or shoulders would slightly touch. The touch would last longer than the hand holding, but they could ignore it easier with the TV on. Rarer still were the hugs. Sheldon would go out of his way to do something 'nice' for Penny. He would usually get her some weird gift like a coffee mug with a humorous slogan, a key-chain that lit up or some type of candy. This happened three times before Penny realized he was trying to get her to hug him.

 

Deciding she didn't want him to buy her any more weird 'gifts', she started asking him for hugs usually after they’d skyped with Leonard. Her excuse was always because she was missing Leonard. He would usually roll his eyes or give her a put-upon look, but the hug he eventually gave her would be warm and tight and last for long time. It became something she looked forward to, and it made her dread when Leonard would actually be home and she would have to skip it.

 

Penny sighed with relief when she finally pulled her car into the driveway. It had been an extremely stressful week at work. Her company had lost a major high-profile and very public law suit the week before. Some politician's kid had a fatal reaction to a medication he should never had been given in the first place, but now none of the doctors wanted to prescribe any of their company's drugs. Even the doctors in her sales territory were resisting her assurances that everything was fine.

 

After as many field visits as she could make, her day ended with a huge company-wide meeting informing her they had laid off 20% of all employees in an effort to save money and spare the company. Her boss, Dan, had been one of them. She'd cried when he hugged her goodbye, but he had been in good spirits. He had a lead another position that he felt was a sure thing.

 

Still, the atmosphere at work had changed drastically. She used to enjoy going to work. Well, it was still 'work' but it was better than waitressing and Penny was shown a lot more respect at the pharmaceutical company than she ever had at the Cheesecake Factory. However, she was getting to the point where being looked down on for her job would be preferable to the constant fear she, and everyone she worked with, had to endure on a daily basis. Would they still have a job tomorrow?

 

While it was difficult for Penny, she recognized the fear was greater in her co-workers who had families and actual mouths to feed. Her money mainly went to pay a third of the mortgage on the house, it was actually in Leonard and Sheldon's names as her credit history would have destroyed their application. They would have no trouble taking over paying the mortgage without her, it would be a pretty big blow to her pride though.

 

She grabbed the pizza box in the passenger seat and headed into the house.

 

“Sheldon? I'm home,” she called, setting the box on the kitchen counter.

 

She shed her jacket and hung it in the hall closet. Sheldon stuck his head out of his office and sniffed.

 

“Pizza? Friday night is Chinese, Penny!” he reprimanded.

 

“Yeah, well, I wanted pizza. You want Chinese, get your ass out of the house and get it yourself,” she said. It was her latest idea to encourage him to leave the house.

 

He huffed, but joined her in the living room a few minutes later and took a slice from the box. She hid a grin and went back to the kitchen to make a drink. Sheldon had his water bottle and Penny knew better than to ask if he wanted anything. She returned to the living room and watched him setting up his old Nintendo.

 

“I guess tonight its Pizza and vintage video games,” he groused.

 

“So, what are we playing?”

 

“Super Mario Bros 3. Did you know they made a movie called‘The Wizard’ to coincide with the games release?” he asked, handing her a controller.

 

She nodded. “Yeah, I remember. I had a huge crush on Fred Savage!” Sheldon gave her a disgusted look before settling down beside her.

 

They took turns playing and eating until they were interrupted by Penny's cell phone. It was Bernadette. She handed her controller to Sheldon and walked up stairs to her bedroom.

 

“Hey Bernie! How's New York?” Penny asked. Every time her friend called it was to brag about more good things happening for her and Howard.

 

“Great. Just freakin' great,” her friend answered sarcastically and hiccupped.

 

Penny felt a lump begin to form in her stomach. “Oh, Bernie! Did they let you go?”

 

“Yes. S'okay though, I got a big severance. I'm smart, I'll get something else,” she insisted, and Penny could hear her slurping a drink.

 

“Oh, well, how fortunate for you,” Penny said sitting on her bed.

 

“It's you I'm worried about,” her friend continued.

 

“Me? No, I'm fine. They let Dan go, but I...”

 

“Oh, Penny! You don't understand yet, do you? The company is going belly-up. They're giving their MVP's good severance packages and references, but they'll be filing bankruptcy next week.”

 

“What? What does that mean for me?” Penny demanded.

 

“It means you'll get laid off too, but since they'll file bankruptcy first, they won't have to pay you a severance or for unused vacation and sick days,” Bernadette explained and hiccupped again.

 

Penny felt like someone had punched her in the stomach.

 

“Wha... I don't...”

 

“Penny, you can't tell anyone else! I can get in big trouble. I shouldn't have told you, but we used to be friends so...”

 

Used to be friends?

 

Penny hung up without saying goodbye. Her eyes burned, but she swallowed back the tears. No, she was not going to cry. She had known something like this was likely to happen, it was not the end of the world. She felt a pang for her other co-workers. Part of her wanted to tell them and make sure everyone knew Bernadette was the one who told her, but Penny wasn't vindictive like that. Bernadette was drunk and would probably call back to apologize tomorrow.

 

She took a deep breath and went back downstairs. She freshened her drink, adding several more shots of vodka, then returned to the couch. Sheldon tried to hand her a controller, but she shook her head.

 

“No Sweetie, I just want to watch you play.”

 

-

 

Leonard had been very supportive when she told him over skype. He had been sympathetic and spouted all kinds of platitudes until he started yawning. Penny quickly ended the call so he could sleep. She couldn't remember exactly where he was, somewhere in Europe, and it was probably early morning there. The short call helped her to feel better, though. Leonard basically told her not to worry about paying her share for a while. He said she should focus on deciding what she wanted to do next and not worry about the money.

 

His acceptance combined with the alcohol allowed her to fall asleep.

 

She awoke the next morning to smell of bacon and hurried down to the kitchen, stomach growling.

 

“Wow, Sheldon! What's all this?” she asked, heading for the coffee.

 

He gave her one of his forced smiles. “Leonard called me last night and said you lost your job. He said I needed to be extra nice to you,” Sheldon explained, but he sounded upset.

 

Penny blinked and tilted her head. “Why are you upset?” She asked.

 

“Why didn't you tell me? Why did I have to hear about this from Leonard? I thought we were best friends, Penny,” he accused, stabbing at the scrambled eggs he was cooking in a frying pan.

 

Penny nodded and gave him an apologetic smile.

 

“You're right, Sheldon. I should have told you last night. We were just having such a good time together that I didn't want to ruin it with my news,” she lied, sipping her coffee.

 

The truth was she had been afraid Sheldon would have said something hurtful and she would have broken down.

 

He stared at her for a long moment before turning back to the eggs.

 

“Okay. I don't think you're being honest with me, but okay,” he said, letting it go.

 

Penny didn't comment, just took a seat at the kitchen table and watched him cook.

 

He finished cooking breakfast and brought her a serving before getting a plate for himself. They ate in silence for a few minutes.

 

“So, I guess I need to start looking for another job. Got any suggestions?” she asked him.

 

He thought it over for a moment. “Well, given your work history I'd say waitress, but I have a feeling you don't want to do that again,” he said.

 

Penny made a face.

 

“I thought not. Do you have a copy of your resume I can look at?” he asked.

 

“Um, yeah on my laptop. But I haven't updated it since I got my last job.”

 

He nodded. “Alright. After breakfast we'll work on your resume and do some online job searches. Then we can go to the grocery store,” he reminded her.

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Like she could forget Saturday was grocery day.

 

“Then we can do laundry,” he added.

 

“Alright, Sheldon!”

 

-

 

Over the next six months Penny tried and failed at a lot of different jobs. The ones she thought would be best for her she couldn't even get interviews for and the others felt like they should be beneath her. After having the cushy pharmaceuticals sales rep position, it was very hard to fall back to sales associate at Target. Penny couldn't tolerate what she felt was disrespect from her managers and co-workers after a year and a half of schmoozing with doctors.

 

She knew Leonard was getting sick of her complaints and it seemed he was avoiding having conversations with her. Sheldon kept pushing for her to further her education until she finally gave in and took a speed course to become certified as an administrative assistant. The one job interview she got after that was to work for a sleazy guy who spent most of the interview staring at her legs and chest... and she didn't even get offered the job.

 

Sheldon recommended taking some cooking classes, pointing out Penny knew the restaurant industry very well and might find more satisfaction working the kitchen than she did waiting tables. Penny reluctantly gave in, but would only do it if Sheldon joined her. If nothing else, it would be two more nights a week she got Sheldon out of the house.

 

The cooking classes were fun and ended up leading to an assistant manager position with a catering company. Penny was all set to start her new job where she would be making almost as much as her pharmaceutical sales rep position when she got a call from the company's HR department.

 

“I'm sorry, Mrs. Hofstadter, but we have to withdraw our offer of employment. You failed the screening.”

 

“Screening? The drug screening? But I don't do drugs!”

 

“No, Ma’am, it was an alcohol and drug screening. The test revealed you to be an excessive drinker and I'm sorry but we cannot hire you at this time.”

 

It was a crushing blow after everything she had been through. What was she going to tell Leonard and Sheldon? This was all so embarrassing. If she had just known, she would have made sure that she sobered up before taking the test, but it hadn't occurred to her they would check for alcohol, too.

 

She sat on the couch and put her head in her hands. What was she supposed to do now?

 

Her cellphone rang again and she eagerly reached for it, hoping against hope the company had changed their mind.

 

It was her brother.

 

He was crying.

 

That was odd, in all her life Penny could count on one hand the number of times she had seen him cry, and all of them had been before he was sixteen.

 

“What is it?” she demanded, freaked out.

 

Her sister-in-law took phone.

 

“Penny? I'm so sorry to tell you this, but there was an accident. Your parents...” she trailed off with a sob.

 

Penny swallowed, heart racing.

 

 “What about them? Are they all right?”

 

“They're gone, Penny. I'm s-sorry.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny and Sheldon attend the funeral in Nebraska. Penny is startled to see just how much she has lost touch with her family. Sheldon does his best to take care of her in Leonard's absence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to my wonderful beta, Delucababe!
> 
> Note- In this story, Penny does not have a sister only a brother so her nephew is his son. After this chapter Penny's family won't appear again anyway.

 

 

The hours after Penny received the news of her parents death were all a big blur to her. She remembered Sheldon being there, picking up the phone that had slipped through her lifeless fingers and speaking with her sister-in-law. Then the shivering started.

 

She remembered the warmth from the hug he gave her and though he spoke several words, she couldn't comprehend them. It felt like he was speaking a different language, but she was too tired to care. She could only vaguely recall the panic in his voice when she wouldn't respond.

 

One moment she was on the couch hearing Sheldon panic and then suddenly she was in her bed wrapped in warm blankets. Sheldon was encouraging her to drink the chamomile tea he brought her while he sang, 'Soft Kitty'.

 

She 'awoke' again some time later to hear Sheldon and Leonard arguing over skype, but couldn't really follow the conversation.

 

An eye blink later she found herself in the kitchen alone. A quick glance at the microwave clock told her it was almost three am.

 

The routine was so practiced that she had a glass of ice, diet coke, and had pulled out the bottle of vodka before she even realized what she was doing. If she hadn't felt so tired, it would have bothered her that she hadn't made a conscious decision to have a drink before she began making one.

 

The fact was the numbness and shock were beginning to wear off and Penny wasn't ready to deal yet. There would be time for sober reflection and mourning when the sun rose. For now, Penny wanted to not feel.

 

She had no idea how much she drank before Sheldon joined her at the table nursing a glass of warm milk.

 

His eyes narrowed at the liquor but he remained quiet.

 

“I got fired today,” she said, her voice sounding rough with almost twelve hours of disuse.

 

“Fired? How could you have been fired if you don't start until Monday?” he asked.

 

Penny nodded toward the half-empty vodka bottle.

 

“Apparently it was a drug and alcohol screening I took. I didn't pass,” she returned glaring at her drink for a second before shrugging and taking a big gulp.

 

Sheldon leveled a piercing gaze on her. “You have a drinking problem, Penny. You know that.”

 

Penny snorted. “Yeah, well everyone has problems.”

 

“You need help with yours,” he insisted.

 

She glared at him. “This is not the time for that conversation, Sheldon.”

 

He glared right back, crossing his arms. “Oh yeah. When is the time then?”

 

“I don't know. A week ago, when things were actually starting to go well for once?”

 

“Penny...”

 

“No, Sheldon! I am not talking about this right now!” she yelled, standing up.

 

He frowned. “Where are you going?”

 

She picked up her drink and the vodka bottle. “My bedroom. I don't want to deal with your judgment right now.”

 

He followed her, but she ignored him. She placed her drink and the vodka bottle on her bedside table and climbed into bed propping herself up on pillows. Sheldon watched her from the doorway for a few minutes before climbing in the bed on Leonard's side and getting comfortable.

 

“What are you doing?” she asked.

 

“I'm not here to judge you, Penny. I'm pretty sure the last thing you need is to be alone right now.”

 

The truth of that statement brought forth the tears she had been refusing to cry for months.

 

“Leonard should be here,” she whispered and let Sheldon pull her up against him as she fell apart.

 

“Yes, he should.”

 

-

 

When Penny finally did get to skype with Leonard a few days later, he informed her he would be speaking at what he believed would be the most important symposium of his entire career the day of her parent's funeral. Penny told him it was okay. It's not like he really knew her parents. He had met her dad once, and though they had planned to visit her family last Christmas, that had fallen through. She held it together until the call was over and would have broken down again if Sheldon hadn't been there with a drink.

 

“Now you're enabling the alcoholic?” she asked, but quickly snatched the drink out of his hands before he could change his mind.

 

Sheldon sighed in defeat. “I want to help you, but I don't know how. I'm working on it though. We fly out tomorrow for Nebraska. I booked us a hotel near the funeral home, though your sister-in-law offered her guest room if you would rather stay there.”

 

Penny shook her head. “No, I... Wait, we? You are coming with me?”

 

“Of course I'm coming with you. You are my best friend and I'm not letting you go alone,” he stated as if it was an absolute fact not to be questioned.

 

Penny blinked back tears and sipped at her drink.

 

“Leonard should be coming with me,” she whispered.

 

“Yes, he should,” Sheldon agreed.

 

-

 

The funeral was awkward. It had been several years since Penny had been home, and though she remembered most of her parent’s friends, they all seemed so different. Her family was different as well. Other than an obligatory hug and greeting, her brother didn't have much to say to her. Her sister-in-law was very chatty, but would frequently have to stop and cry a little when she became too emotional. It hit Penny that this woman had known and loved her parents more than she had. It made her feel like a failure as a daughter on top of everything else.

 

It had been almost six years since she had seen her nephew, who was now nineteen. He was much taller and looked a lot more like Penny's father than he had the last time Penny had seen him. He studied her warily for a moment before moving to hug her and she wondered what he saw in her.

 

Penny's hair was longer than it had been when she and Leonard married, but she had kept it at a bob and she felt like her nephew had trouble reconciling her new self with the bubbly fun Aunt he used to know. His hug was quick, but he patted her back a few times before stepping back to stand at the side of another man about his age that Penny had never met. She watched in surprise as they exchanged an intimate look and held hands. Her nephew turned back to her, a mixture of defiance and vulnerability gleaming from his eyes, as if he was afraid of what her reaction would be. She gave both the young men a genuine smile and they visibly relaxed. Still, the whole interaction just reminded her of how long she had been gone and how many things she had missed out on.

 

There was also the fact that everyone seemed to automatically think Sheldon was Leonard. After a while, she got tired of correcting them. Due to the several recovering alcoholics in her family, there wasn't a drop of alcohol at the reception. Penny held on as long as she could before excusing herself and Sheldon.

 

On the cab ride back to the hotel, Penny was happy to see a liquor store within walking distance. And while Sheldon put on gloves and stripped the beds, putting his own linens on them from home, she decided to 'take a walk'.

 

She bought a bottle of vodka, splurging on Grey Goose in honor of her parents, and several small bottles of Smirnoff she planned to hide in her luggage. She stopped by an old pizzeria that had been there since she was in elementary school. She remembered eating there with a few different dates when she was in high school and was irritated to feel her eyes sting with tears as she waited for her order.

 

When Penny made it back to the hotel room, she was pleasantly surprised to see how 'homey' Sheldon had made it. The linens were all familiar and smelled like their laundry detergent. He had even replaced the LED bulbs in the bedside lamps with the incandescent ones that gave a softer, yellowish light he favored. A few framed pictures from home, including one of her and her parents at her high school graduation were placed throughout the room. A wallflower scented the room with the aroma of pumpkin, apple, and cinnamon instantly bringing the feel of Autumn to mind, Penny's favorite season. He even had a familiar old table cloth on the small table and two of their glasses from home filled with ice beside a two liter of Diet Coke.

 

It was unexpectedly touching and Penny blinked back more tears at the thought of Sheldon going through so much trouble to take care of her.

 

“Sheldon, this is... Thank you,” she said in a shaky voice.

 

He smiled and gestured for her to sit across from him at the table.

 

“I knew you would bring back refreshments. I'm not really sure what the correct protocol for this is, so I just thought about when I lost my Pop Pop and what would have helped me feel better,” he said.

 

Penny smiled and sat down, making both of them a drink and opening the pizza box, while Sheldon opened a small case. He set a deck of 'Warlords of Ka-ah' cards on the table and smirked when Penny frowned.

 

“Just kidding,” he said, putting the cards back and pulling out a deck of regular playing cards.

 

Hours passed as they played Go Fish, Gin Rummy, War, Crazy Eights, and a slew of other card games they had both obviously learned as children. It was an enjoyable experience in the middle of what was probably the worst week of her life and it was all thanks to Sheldon.

 

The more they drank, the more they giggled and allowed their legs to touch under the table. Penny's mind kept bringing up images of the night they had been together over a year ago. It had been a long time since she had allowed herself to think of it as it usually made her feel sick, but right now, it didn't. Right now, she wanted to do it again.

 

She stood up from the table and walked over to him, only swaying slightly. He blinked up at her in surprise, mouth opening to question her when she cut him off by straddling him in his chair and pressing their mouths together. He stiffened but didn't push her away. She deepened the kiss, hands threading themselves into his hair and he tentatively allowed his hands to fall to her waist.

 

Penny rolled her hips and smiled into the kiss when she felt him respond. She trailed a hand down his chest and placed it on the bulge in his pants.

 

“No!” He stiffened again, and caught her wrist to pull it away.

 

Penny had never had a man tell her 'no' before and it shocked her out of her lust-filled haze. She scrambled off of his lap and looked down at him in shame. They were both breathing heavy.

 

“I-I'm sorry, Penny. I just can't... I don't want...” he trailed off, looking up at her like a scared little boy.

 

The guilt hit her then and she dropped to her knees and looked up at him apologetically.

 

“No, I'm sorry, Sheldon. I shouldn't have... I was lost in the moment and forgot myself. I swear it won't happen again,” she promised.

 

He looked down on her quietly for a moment and she watched the fear leave his eyes. “I know we did some... very intimate things that night, and I while I can't say that I regret the experience, it's not one that I wish to repeat.”

 

Penny nodded. “I know. Sheldon, please don't think that I would ever push you to do something you weren't ready for...” she trailed off as his expression turned pained.

 

“That's just it, Penny, I'm not sure I'll ever 'be ready' for something like that. I couldn't make that promise to Amy, and I can't make it to you.”

 

“That's okay, Sheldon. I mean it. I love you. You are my best friend and nothing is going to change that.”

 

He was quiet for a long moment.

 

“Penny, please get back in the chair. I wasn't able to bring a vacuum so the floor is probably not clean enough to sit on,” he said, finally.

 

Penny sighed in relief and quickly went back to her own chair across from him.

 

They resumed drinking and Sheldon shuffled the cards a few times before starting a game of solitaire.

 

“You never did tell me what happened that night with Amy,” she said after a few minutes of silence.

 

He closed his eyes briefly and then resumed playing his game while talking.

 

“I was able to... satisfy her like you showed me. But that wasn't enough. She wanted actual intercourse. I tried, but just wasn't able to...” he trailed off with a shrug.

 

“I'm sorry, Sweetie,” Penny said, sympathetically.

 

Sheldon looked up in surprise.

 

“I'm not.”

 

“You're not?”

 

“No. Amy was unhappy with the relationship we had. I loved Amy, but thought as long as she seemed happy everything would be fine. I'm not an idiot. I know she wanted more from me, but it always seemed like it was just a joke. You know I'm not good at reading people and understanding social situations. I was relying on her to put a stop to things when she couldn't handle them. As long as we continued on the way we did, I never knew there was a problem. At least, not as big a problem as it turned out to be.”

 

He gave up on his game and just started shuffling the cards again.

 

“She needed more than I could give her.” He stopped shuffling and suddenly looked up to meet her eyes. “I guess I'm just waiting for the day you decide you need more than I can give you and leave me too.”

 

It suddenly occurred to Penny that though Amy had done a lot of good for Sheldon, there was a good deal of damage she'd left behind as well.

 

A minute later, Sheldon was still staring at her.

 

“I did all this for you,” he said, gesturing to the room.

 

“I know. Can I give you a hug?” she asked and smiled when he nodded and stood up.

 

While he hugged her, Penny's eyes landed on the picture of her with her parents. The grief reared up inside her and her arms tightened as she tried to hold back the tears.

 

“It’s okay, Penny. You are allowed to cry,” he said gently, tightening his own hold.

 

“Are you s-sure?” she asked, breathless. The last thing she wanted to do was push him out of his comfort zone again.

 

“Yes. I've got you,” he promised and she let go.

 

She cried for hours, barely noticing when Sheldon lowered her to one of the beds and climbed in with her. He held her close and when the tears finally stopped he sang her 'Soft Kitty'. She couldn't even protest that she wasn't sick, because Penny was starting to think she really was sick and had been for a while.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Just a heads up that the next chapter may be posted a few days later than normal.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny struggles with her depression and Leonard comes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel really bad about the delay in posting. Unfortunately family obligations have kept me very busy and I've had barely any time to write. I don't see things settling down with the holiday season coming up, so the next (and possibly last) chapter of this part will be posted in two weeks. 
> 
> Special Thanks to my lovely beta Delucababe!
> 
> I'm adding a 'suicidal thoughts/attempt' warning to this chapter. It's very quick, and Penny's not fully aware of what she's doing.

When Penny got home from Nebraska she went straight to her room and crawled into bed even though it was only about two o'clock in the afternoon. She slept the rest of the day away, and all night **,** and woke to Sheldon knock, knock, knocking on her door. He brought her breakfast in bed and then excused himself to get some work done.

 

Penny forced herself to get up and go to the bathroom. She looked at the shower and knew she needed to wash the airplane funk off her skin, but she was just too tired. It felt like someone was pushing down on her shoulders as she carried her breakfast dishes down to the kitchen. She put them in the sink, but didn't rinse them out. Sheldon would probably bitch at her later about it, but she was just too tired to care.

 

She made it to the couch and flipped aimlessly through trashy daytime television. It sucked. She gave it a good half hour before giving up on that distraction. She shut the television off and turned to look out a window. It was cloudy and drizzling rain. An all **-** around gray day and it fit her mood perfectly.

 

Her contemplation of the weather was interrupted by Sheldon poking his head in to ask if she had eaten lunch. Penny's eyes flew to the clock on the DVR and was shocked to see nearly four hours had passed since she first sat down to watch television. Her body was stiff when she got to her feet and Sheldon ended up heating some soup and splitting it with her.

 

Sheldon was in a chatty mood and seemed completely oblivious to her silence.

 

“We'll have to ask Leonard if he has anything for the garage sale this weekend,” he said and Penny blinked at him as she tuned in for the first time since she sat down to eat.

 

“What? The garage sale isn't until the first weekend of April...” she trailed off as Sheldon gestured to the Avengers calendar that hung on the refrigerator.

 

Was it really April already? When had Penny begun losing track of time like this?

 

“Oh. Okay, well I guess I'll ask him when we skype tonight,” she said and finished off her soup.

 

Sheldon tilted his head at her in confusion. “Penny, Leonard gets home tonight. We won't need to skype, he'll be here,” he reminded her.

 

“Right. I forgot. I'm sorry Sheldon, with everything that's happen **ed** I feel like I'm struggling to remember everything,” she confessed.

 

He nodded. “Like bathing?”

 

She narrowed her eyes at him.

 

“Don't look at me like that. You hair is dirtier than I've ever seen it and you are starting to smell. If I didn't know better I'd say you were addicted to a computer game again.”

 

Penny just rolled her eyes.

 

Sheldon had washed the dishes from that morning and was now washing their lunch dishes. Part of her realized it wasn't fair to let him do it all, but she was just so tired. She would help out more once she got through whatever it was that making her feel this way. She wondered if she was getting a cold or something.

 

After Sheldon went back to work, Penny dug through the refrigerator for a water bottle but instead found a half-empty wine bottle. She still didn't feel up to a shower, but having a glass of wine while taking a bath sounded doable.

 

Penny knew she needed to make some kind of effort with her appearance. This would be the first time in almost three months that she and Leonard would be seeing each other in person and not through the computer.

 

_Shouldn't I be excited to see my husband again?_

 

The thought continued to bother her until she was in the bathtub and half-way through her third glass of wine. The alcohol seemed to ground her and she came to the conclusion that she was only a little down because of the funeral. She would perk back up soon and everything would be fine.

 

One more glass of wine later, Penny felt better than she had in days. She shaved her legs and took extra time on her hair and make-up. She even put on a nice, clean dress instead of her normal apparel of jeans and whatever t-shirt didn't smell. She had a depressing moment when she just couldn't get the first dress she wanted to wear to zip up. It had always fit her pretty snug, and it reminded Penny that she had stopped her rigorous work-outs soon after marrying Leonard. It hadn't been a conscious decision, but she had just been so busy that first week after they were married. After skipping one work-out it became easier and easier to continue skipping until she just ended up stopping altogether.

 

She studied her reflection with a critical eye. Her body was definitely softer than it had been a year ago, but she wasn't fat. Still, it wouldn't hurt to start a new workout routine. It might help her to feel better, and after she firmed up a bit she could renew her job searching with a bit more confidence. Penny grabbed her empty wine glass and headed downstairs feeling cautiously optimistic about the future.

 

-

 

Leonard was late. Penny and Sheldon waited up for him, chatting and watching old Star Trek episodes until well after midnight. Sheldon eventually gave up and went to bed. Penny waited another half-hour and was about to just go to bed too when Leonard finally came through the door.

 

“Why are you still up?”

 

These were the first words her husband spoke to her in person in almost three months. It felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. Leonard winced at her wounded expression and opened his arms to hug her. Penny tried to push the hurt down and stepped into his arms hiding her face in his chest. She took a breath, but instead of the comforting scent of his familiar aftershave he smelled different... Less spicy and more.. fruity?

 

She pulled back in confusion.

 

“You smell different,” she said.

 

Leonard flushed and looked away. “Yeah, I uh, ran out of my body wash and had to use the hotels this morning.”

 

“Oh, okay,” Penny responded and leaned forward to kiss him.

 

Leonard turned his head at the last second so that her lips landed on his cheek instead of his lips.

 

Again, Penny stepped away in confusion.

 

“Wha... Leonard, are you okay?” she asked.

 

He let out an exaggerated yawn and stretched. “I'm fine, just really tired. I need to get some sleep.”

 

-

Ten minutes later **,** Leonard was snoring in bed and Penny was in the bathroom washing off all the make-up she had carefully applied. Her eyes were burning with unshed tears and her throat hurt from forcing herself not to cry. She pulled off the dress and pulled on a sweatshirt and yoga pants.

 

There was no mistaking Leonard's silent signals tonight. He didn't want her anymore. And really, why should he? She was nothing more than a failure who lived in his house and spent his money. No wonder he stayed away from home so much.

 

Penny didn't remember leaving the bathroom and walking down the stairs to the kitchen. She didn't remember pulling the bottle of Vodka down from atop the refrigerator or the number of straight shots she did. She didn't remember grabbing the knife...

 

“Penny? Why do you have a knife?”

 

Leonard's question brought her back to herself and she stared around in confusion.

 

“I don't... um, I thought you were asleep,” she said, quickly putting the knife away and forcing a smile.

 

A glance at the clock on the oven told her four hours had passed since he had come home. Sheldon would be up soon.

 

The smile must have reassured him because he turned his back to her to open the refrigerator.

 

“I was, but I woke up hungry,” he explained and pulled out the carton of eggs.

 

She took a seat at the table and watched him cook.

 

“How are you doing, Penny? You didn't come to bed last night,” he said, glancing at her over his shoulder as he worked.

 

Penny looked at the drawer where she had put the knife. Why had she pulled out a knife? Had she wanted to hurt herself?

 

“I-I'm... I'm not okay,” she said, voice much steadier than she thought it would be.

 

Leonard sent her a sympathetic frown.

 

“You've been through a lot. You don't have to be 'okay'.”

 

Penny just stared at him, unsure of what else to say.

 

“I know I haven't been around much, but I'm here now. I don't have to leave again for two more months,” he assured her.

 

She gave him a weak smile and stood up.

 

“I'm going to lay down, I think the tired-ness is catching up with me,” she said, and turned to leave.

 

“Penny wait,” Leonard called and she turned back.

 

He walked over and kissed her.

 

“I love you, Penny.”

 

“Me too.”

 

-

 

Penny went to bed and didn't get up for two weeks. Other than short trips to the bathroom and the kitchen, she refused to leave her bedroom.

 

Leonard tried to coax Penny out with promises of shopping trips and fancy dinners, but she refused. “I'm tired” and “I don't feel like it” were the only responses he could get from her.

 

Sheldon tried as well, reminding her it was grocery store day or comic book day **,** but Penny just told him to make Leonard take him or call a cab.

 

After Penny had been in bed for two weeks, Leonard and Sheldon left her alone in the house to go to work at their University offices. She had been waiting for an opportunity to sneak to the liquor store as her supply of alcohol was severely low and she sincerely doubted Sheldon or Leonard would go out and buy her more.

 

She slipped a hoodie on over her dirty hair and grabbed a pair of sunglasses, her wallet and keys. It would be a quick trip, fifteen minutes at the most and then she would be back home safe and sound in her bedroom.

 

She placed her hand on the handle of the front door and had started to turn it, when someone knocked.

 

Penny froze, herheartbeat pounding in her ears. She did not want anyone to see her like this.

 

After a moment of complete silence, there was another knock and the doorbell rang.

 

“Penny?! Open up **,** please **.** I know you're in there,” a woman's voice with a familiar Texas twang called out.

 

Penny obeyed pulling the door open and staring at her visitor in shock.

 

“Mrs. Cooper?” Her voice was hoarse and barely louder than a whisper.

 

Mary Cooper looked Penny up and down, warm brown eyes softening with sympathy.

 

“Oh honey,” Sheldon's mother cooed and opened her arms. Penny flew into them, burying her face in a soft, yet solid shoulder and cried.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mama Mary is here to make it all better. ;D 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with this fic. I promise things will start getting better with the next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary helps Penny get herself together. Penny comes up with a new project to keep herself busy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always a heartfelt thank you to my fabulous beta Delucababe!

Part Two Chapter Four

 

Mary Cooper's visit changed everything. She kept Penny far too busy to have time to dwell on her problems. Mary got her out of bed at six am every morning, even on the weekend, to make a huge breakfast from scratch-biscuits, pancakes, pastries, sausage balls, and more. They made way too much food for just the four of them, and Mary would have Penny drive her to a local battered women's and children's shelter to drop off the extra food after Sheldon and Leonard went to work. After that they would return home to work on the house. First they gave it a deep cleaning, which after a year of neglect it really needed. Then they went through each room one by one and redecorated. Well, every room but Sheldon's. They painted every room, then went out and bought new furniture. Mary also took Penny shopping for new clothes as she didn't own anything Mary felt was appropriate for church. And yes, all four of them attended the non-denominational church down the street all three Sundays of Mary's visit.

 

While Penny knew they would not continue to go to the church once Mary left, she quickly realized that wasn't the point. The first Sunday there, Mary dragged Penny over to meet one of the junior pastors once the service ended. Penny hadn't wanted to, but it was very hard to tell Mary 'no'. Peter Simmons and his wife Rachel led a group on Tuesday nights called, 'Celebrate Recovery'. It was specifically designed to help people trying to give up addictions. Penny wasn't sure she would go, but she took the pamphlets and gave them to Sheldon. He didn't say anything, just pocketed them with a quiet nod at his mother.

 

Penny did not stop drinking while Mary was there, but, as she was so busy, she didn't have time to drink except late at night and then she barely made it through a glass of wine before she was ready to pass out with exhaustion.

 

At first she did experience some withdrawal symptoms- headaches, sweating, shaking and a little nausea, but usually found them easy to ignore. When they became too bothersome, Mary would be there with a cup of tea and stories of raising kids in East Texas to distract Penny. The symptoms stopped entirely after the second week, though Penny still continued with one glass of wine in the evenings.

 

Two days before Mary's departure, she sat Penny down to talk over a cup of tea. The house was spotless, all of their redecorating was done, and they had even stocked the kitchen with enough groceries for the next two weeks.

 

“You need to find yourself a project, Penny. Something to keep you busy so you don't dwell on things you can't do anything about.”

 

“Like what? We already re-did the whole house...” Penny pointed out.

 

Mary shrugged.

 

“What are your interests and hobbies?”

 

Penny sighed. “I don't know, I don't really have any. Other than drinking...” she trailed off and gave Mary a grin to show she was kidding. Mary shook her head, but gave Penny a small smile in return.

 

“I suppose I should redouble my efforts on job searching,” Penny said, feeling a coil of dread in her gut at the thought. It made her want a drink.

 

“Penny, Leonard and Sheldon have made it clear that you do not need to bring home money right now. If I were you, I would take this as an opportunity to do projects you want to do. Shelly mentioned you were taking cooking classes together, maybe you could start that up again? You could learn a new language, maybe start a garden in the backyard. Churches and hospitals are always looking for volunteers. You can find something that doesn't take up a lot of time at first and then go from there.”

 

Penny nodded, her mind already starting to consider some possibilities that she hadn't before.

 

“I want you to call me once a day to let me know what you're up too,” Mary said firmly.

 

Penny arched a brow, thinking that was a bit excessive.

 

“Accountability, Penny. It will help you make the right choices daily if you know someone's gonna ask you about it later. And I need you to tell me the truth. It's okay if you mess up, as long as you know that messing up once doesn't mean it’s okay to keep messing up. I will hop back on a plane and come back here if you need me.”

 

-

 

Mary left and Penny did as instructed. She and Sheldon signed up for the next level of cooking classes, she continued to make meals a couple of times a week for the shelter, she even started making Penny Blossoms again and selling them on Etsy. She played around with the idea of starting a garden, but Penny wasn't a fan of dirt or bugs and wasn't sure she would stick with it. She did buy a tomato plant for the back porch, and was very proud the night she was able to make spaghetti sauce with tomatoes she had grown herself. She and Sheldon took a walk every morning and Penny was delighted to discover a nearby gym which had an indoor track they could use on rainy days. In the evenings, she would sit down with a glass of wine and call Mary to discuss the day. That was it though. She allowed herself that one glass, and if she didn't finish it before the call was over, she would dump the rest down the sink. At first, she savored each swallow, but a month after Mary's visit, Penny found that most nights she barely sipped at it.

 

After hanging up with Mary, Penny would sit up in bed and search through different hobby-type blogs. There were ones for exercising, crafts, writing, gardening, and even though Penny couldn't see herself doing a lot of these things, she still got enjoyment out of reading them. One lady who blogged about training dogs was an especially entertaining author. She had the most hilarious stories regarding the animals and things that can happen with them. One day the lady announced she was pregnant and that her blog would be changing slightly as she would be backing off the dog training and focusing more on the bundle of joy to come. Penny kept reading though, still enjoying the woman's witty humor.

 

If pressed, Penny would have to say it was the blog which gave her the idea originally. The idea that she could be a mother at first seemed a ridiculous notion, but it was still a notion she couldn't get out of her head. So she discussed it with Sheldon. He didn't act surprised when she brought it up.

 

“Well, you aren't working so now would be ideal to start a family if that's something you want,” he said non-nonchalantly.

 

“Really? You don't think it's crazy that someone like me should take on that kind of responsibility?” She asked, voicing her insecurity.

 

“Don't be absurd, Penny. You are more than capable of raising a child. More so than a lot of people who have multiple children.”

 

“And you would help me, right?”

 

There was a slight tic in Sheldon's jaw at that and he cleared his throat.

 

“I... Yes, of course, though I'm not sure how much help I would be. Leonard would help, and I'm sure my mother would lend a hand as well.”

 

Penny smiled and nodded to herself. She had found her project.

 

-

 

Leonard smiled and gave her an enthusiastic hug.

 

“That's perfect, Penny! You are going to be an awesome mother,” he said and there was a sparkle in his eyes Penny hadn't seen since they were married.

 

Penny was not surprised that Leonard was agreeable. He had talked about having children together since before they had even gotten engaged. Ever since Mary had left, Leonard had refused to be away from home longer than one week each month. It was that more than anything that made Penny realize just how far she had fallen, but now things were looking up.

 

-

 

They tried for five months, with no success, before seeing a fertility specialist. Penny had Sheldon help her research diets, exercises, and even sexual positions. Five months of healthy eating, no alcohol, and regular sex had Penny feeling better, physically, than she had in years.

 

Whenever she would start missing her parents, or feel that itch to pour a drink, she would head to the spare bedroom she was slowly turning into a nursery. She found a crib at a garage sale which she was repainting along with some mix-matched furniture that just needed a little work. Leonard told her she could go buy all new items, but Penny insisted she needed to do it herself.

 

The fertility doctor did complete physicals on both of them and then called them back to her office a few weeks later to deliver the bad news.

 

The problem was Leonard. Apparently, he was exposed to something during his studies in college that had left him 'shooting blanks'. He would never be able to father any children.

 

It hurt her to hear it, but Penny was unprepared for Leonard's devastated reaction. Within five minutes of receiving the news, he ended up sobbing helplessly in Penny's arms. Between sobs, he would apologize for failing her.

 

Later that night, Sheldon made them rehash it and studied Leonard's tests results. He proclaimed he had an idea, and that Penny shouldn't give up.

 

Penny spent the next week taking care of Leonard and doing everything she could to reassure him. It didn't change the desire she had for a child though. Maybe they could adopt?

 

“Adoption takes a very long time. With the amount of time I'm away from home, your failed alcohol and drug screening, and sporadic work history, I doubt we'd be approved anyway,” Leonard summarized.

 

Penny left him alone at that point and poured herself a glass of wine. She sat at the kitchen table and stared at it for a few moments before calling Mary. An hour later, she dumped the still full glass down the sink.

 

-

 

Sheldon made dinner one night a week later and informed them he had found the solution once they had their plates.

 

Penny and Leonard exchanged a wary glance but nodded at him to continue.

 

Sheldon pulled out a few pieces of paper. Test results like Leonard's, but showing everything in normal ranges.

 

“I can do it. I can donate my sperm, so Penny can have a child.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, we have one more chapter for part two that will be up in two weeks. Thanks for reading! :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here endeth the Lenny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of part 2! 
> 
> Special thanks to delucababe, a beta as good as her is a rare find. :D

It was a ridiculous idea, despite Sheldon's weirdly compelling argument. Sheldon seemed to have always harbored a desire to procreate but at the same time was turned off by babies and childbirth. She could easily see how this idea would appeal to him.

 

Penny silently ate her dinner as Leonard and Sheldon argued the merits of the idea. Sheldon had an answer prepared for every one of Leonard's objections. And then suddenly, Leonard stopped talking. Sheldon attempted to re-engage him in conversation, but Leonard merely grunted or shrugged his answers as if he no longer cared how the situation played out.

 

Penny felt a stab a fear that she did not want to examine too closely, and made a hasty retreat from the dinner table.

 

She stopped in the doorway to her and Leonard's bedroom and then turned around and headed to the spare room she had been painstakingly turning into a nursery. Penny had finished painting the crib the day before. It was dry now and ready for a baby that would never come.

 

An hour passed and Leonard knocked on the door she hadn't shut all the way.

 

“Penny? Can we talk... oh,” Leonard's face fell when Penny turned to look at him. She hadn't realized she'd been crying until that moment.

 

Leonard pulled her into his arms and held her while she cried. When she finally pulled away she was surprised to see his cheeks etched with tear tracks which mirrored her own.

 

“Penny, do you ever wish...” he trailed off and stared at her face as she sniffed and wiped at her eyes.

 

“Wish what?” She asked, her voice weak form crying.

 

He was silent for a moment, then shook his head. “Never mind. It doesn't matter.”

 

Penny looked at him curiously but didn't say anything. She watched his face as he looked around the room. Leonard hadn't been in there before that she knew of and was pleased to see his small smile of approval.

 

“I think you should do it,” he said, breaking the silence.

 

“Do what?” She asked in confusion.

 

“Have Sheldon's baby.”

 

Penny's heart skipped a beat and it was suddenly hard to breathe.

 

“You mean, let Sheldon help us to have a baby,” She clarified, hesitantly.

 

He broke eye contact to look at the floor. “Yeah.”

 

Penny suddenly felt like this was one of those really important moments in life that change everything. She glanced at the empty crib, then back at Leonard.

 

“Yeah, okay.”

 

He met her eyes again, his expression unreadable before pulling her into another hug. If her mind hadn't been whirling with all the things she needed to do and the hope that she might actually get a baby to put in that empty crib, she might have realized how much that hug felt like a 'goodbye'.

 

-

 

The first thing Sheldon and Penny decided on was they would not tell Mary beforehand. Neither wanted to give her the opportunity to talk (or shame) them out of trying. Once they knew for sure a baby was coming, they would tell Sheldon's mother the truth. She wouldn't be happy with them first, but as soon as Mary realized she had another grandchild on the way, they were confident the excitement would overcome the displeasure at how the child was conceived.

 

 

Sheldon pointed out that Beverly Hofstadter would be the actual grandmother anyway as Leonard would be adopting any child resulting from the procedure. Penny shuddered at the thought of that cold and impersonal woman as a grandmother, but kept it to herself.

 

The fertility doctor had them wait through two more of Penny's cycles before scheduling the procedure. In that time, Sheldon was very particular about what and when they ate, exercised, and how long and when they slept. Penny wanted to complain about him to Mary during their nightly calls, but was able to hold her tongue. Instead, she complained about how Leonard had returned to his old habits of staying away for weeks at a time and staying too busy for more than a five minute skype call a few days a week.

 

They finally did the procedure, two months after making the decision. Penny wished she could find out right away if it worked, but the doctor warned her it could be up to six weeks before they knew for sure. Still, Penny bought a whole bunch of home pregnancy test kits and started testing herself daily before even a week had passed.

 

After three weeks of negative tests, Penny began spotting and feeling that tell-tale ache that accompanied her time of the month. She was disappointed, but not as much as she had thought she would be. She and Sheldon had both been checked out physically so there was nothing health-wise to prevent a pregnancy, but these things could take time. Sheldon had promised they could try at least four times before it would become a financial strain. Still, when Leonard got in unexpectedly that same evening, he found Penny sitting in the floor of the nursery sipping on a glass of wine.

 

“So, I take it from the wine you are not pregnant?” He asked sadly.

 

Penny shook her head then shrugged. “No. But this was just the first try. We'll wait a month then try again,” she reassured him.

 

Leonard nodded and then walked into the room to sit cross-legged in front of her. He removed the messenger bag he always carried with him and set it on the floor beside him.

 

“How are you feeling, Penny?”

 

Penny shrugged again and frowned at her still mostly full wineglass.

 

“I'm okay. Disappointed, but okay. And I think the wine is making me a little nauseated. It's been so long since I've had any...” she trailed off when she saw a determined look settle on his face.

 

“Leonard, what's going on?” She asked and felt a knot form in her stomach.

 

“Penny, I have some hard things to discuss with you and I need to know that you aren't going to freak out and hurt yourself.”

 

Penny didn't know what to say to that. So she just took another sip of her wine.

 

Leonard sighed and pulled a folder out of his bag and handed it to her. She braced herself and opened it. As the words on the page in front of her began to sink in, she waited for the hurt and fear to overtake her. It didn't come. Instead, she just felt a little sad and numb. She also felt... relief.

 

“You want a divorce.” It was a statement, not a question.

 

“I've been seeing someone for a while now and I'm ready to commit to her,” he said nonchalantly.

 

“What?” Penny got to her feet and placed a hand against the wall to steady herself. “You're cheating on me?”

 

Leonard sighed again and stood as well. “Yes.”

 

Penny's mouth dropped open in shock. How could he be so calm about this?

 

“Leonard! I can't beli-”

 

“I know about you and Sheldon.”

 

Surely he couldn't mean...

 

“Yes, I know about the night you spent with him. The second night after we got married and before Sheldon ended things with Amy,” Leonard confirmed.

 

Penny was quiet, suddenly wishing she hadn't had any wine as the nausea was getting stronger by the minute.

 

“Sheldon told me. I wanted to confront you, but you were sooo... vulnerable. I mean, you clearly regretted it and Sheldon insisted you had just been helping him out. He said you were both drunk and things went further than you meant.”

 

“Leonard, I don't know what... I'm so sorry,” she said, tears stinging at her eyes.

 

“I know, Penny. It's okay. I forgave you for that a long time ago. I thought things would get better when we got the house, but then you and Sheldon just kept getting closer...”

 

“We didn't sleep together! It was just that one time...” Penny interjected, feebly.

 

“I know, but it hurt to watch you and Sheldon have the relationship that I wanted with you. I felt like you only needed me for sex and you didn't even want it as much as before we were married.”

 

Penny couldn't say anything, she just tried to swallow the lump that was forming in her throat.

 

“So when Sheldon's old assistant, Alex Jensen, interviewed to be my assistant and research partner with my new position, I hired her. I slept with her that night and in the morning... I stayed. We were together for all my symposiums, always sharing a bed, strictly a friends with benefits kind of thing. When I stopped coming home between conferences, we began doing tourists things together and fell in love.”

 

“So the whole time we were trying to get pregnant, you were...” She broke off and covered her mouth with her hand in dismay.

 

“No! Oh, God no, Penny. I... broke it off after the time I found you in the kitchen holding that knife. I loved Alex, but you were my wife and I had a responsibility to make sure you were okay. More than that, we've been friends and I've loved you for a long time. Alex said she would wait as long as it took, but I didn't expect her to. I swear, Penny, if I had gotten you pregnant I would not be divorcing you. I was just... I was trying to do what you needed to get better and for a little while I thought we could save our marriage. That we could have a family and be happy,” He admitted, wistfully.

 

“So you’re divorcing me because we can't have children together?” She asked as she tried to wrap her head around all that he was telling her.

 

“No. I'm divorcing you because our marriage is making us both miserable. Sheldon makes you happier than I ever could. He can also give you that baby you want so badly.”

 

Penny started shaking and wrapped her arms around herself shaking her head.

 

“I don't.... I never... I don't know what to say,” she whispered, and sat down again.

 

“You don't have to say anything right now, Penny. Why don't you go on to bed? I'm staying at a hotel tonight. I'll be tomorrow around two to pack my things. We can talk then, or not if you don't want to. I need to end our marriage and move on with my life.” He said firmly and turned to go.

 

“I never intended hurt you, Penny. It's important to me that you know that.”

 

And then he was gone.

 

Penny closed her eyes feeling dizzy and numb. When she opened them again she was lying in Sheldon's bed. He was sitting next to her leaning back against the headboard and reading aloud from a Star Trek novel.

 

She pushed herself up into a sitting position and looked over at Sheldon curiously. He stopped reading when she moved, and his blue eyes intensely studied her face.

 

“Are you okay now?” He asked, sounding really worried.

 

“I'm fine. What happened?”

 

Sheldon sighed in relief and reached over to straighten her blanket and readjust her pillows.

 

“I'm not sure. Leonard left and I found you in the floor just staring out into space. I called my mom and she said it sounded like you were in shock and I should keep you warm,” he said, continuing to fuss with the bed linens.

 

“Leonard wants a divorce,” Penny said after a few minutes of silence.

 

“I know,” he gestured to the file that held the divorce papers lying on the bedside table.

 

Sheldon left for a few minutes and returned with a mug of tea for her. She sipped at it, the heat of it warming her throat and belly.

 

“What do I do now?” She asked, her voice barely more than a whisper.

 

“What do you want to do?” He asked.

 

She shook her head and shrugged her shoulders, at a loss as to where her life was heading now.

 

-

 

The numbness wore off the next day. It was early afternoon, so Penny decided she was going to do some shoe shopping. Sheldon promised to stay at the house and 'handle Leonard'. She didn't make it to the shoe store. She didn't make it any further than Nick's, a bar she frequented when she was heavily drinking. The cocktail she ordered made her nauseated, but she ignored it and drank the whole thing. Then a cute Cajun guy had shown up and one cocktail turned into three. Suddenly Penny was feeling better than she had in years. She was laughing, flirting, and for a little while life was easy and happy.

 

Then Cajun guy got a little too close for comfort. His smell of cigarettes and sweat, mixed with the alcohol already churning in her gut, had her running to the bathroom.

 

Exhausted and slightly embarrassed, Penny left the bar as quickly as she could and tried to remember where she'd parked her car. She didn't even see the little blue Prius headed straight for her, its driver busy composing a text on their phone.

 

-

 

When Penny came to, sometime later, she was lying in a hospital bed hooked up to a bunch of tubes and wires. Mary Cooper was sleeping in the chair to her right.

 

A nurse came in and smiled when she saw Penny was awake. After checking her vitals and getting Penny some water, the nurse left to find a doctor. As she waited, Penny tried to remember what had happened to her. Dismayed, she realized she must have had quite a bit of vodka to be suffering such memory loss. She vaguely remembered a bar and throwing up in a public bathroom, but everything other than that was a big blurry haze.

 

A woman in a lab coat came in after a few minutes.

 

“Mrs. Hofstadter? I'm Dr. Drake,” Penny nodded with a frown as she remembered Leonard and the divorce papers.

 

After rechecking her vitals and asking after symptoms, Dr. Drake informed her she had been hit by a car the previous evening. Luckily, it had been in a parking lot so the car wasn't going very fast, but Penny had been intoxicated and had hit her head pretty hard, leaving her with a slight concussion. She didn't have any broken bones, just a few scrapes and bruises.

 

“Other than a preliminary CT scan, we haven't run any further radiological exams so you don't need to worry about any harm being done to the fetus.”

 

The confusion must have shown on Penny's face.

 

“Oh, I assumed you knew. According to your records you've been working with a fertility specialist. You are pregnant, Mrs. Hofstadter. Congratulations.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun, dun, duuuuun! :D 
> 
> BTW- the baby has no effect on Leonard's decision. He is gone. 
> 
> Okay, so I have a Sabriel Big Bang to focus on and the Thanksgiving holidays coming up. So don't expect the first chapter of Part 3 until the weekend of 12/11/15. I'm going to do my best to get ahead of things so I can go back to doing one chapter a week... fingers crossed.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, I'd love to hear it! ;D


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